This article comes courtesy of my youngest daughter Axi.
Miss Axi is a young, vibrant 21 year old university student today, but life wasn’t always so cozy, neat and clean for her. She was born with a cleft lip and palate just as many others have been in life. Throughout the years she’s been saddened by the tragedy of when people choose to abort their babies over giving birth if/when they find out their child will be born with a craniofacial deformity.
She wrote an article about this and with her permission I’m posting it here!
You’re Not Their Hero
by axi grim
I often really hate this topic. Mainly because it’s so controversial and I’ve found it difficult to converse about it without getting into an argument or someone getting slightly offended. It’s a topic that I stress out over when asked to speak about because it’s just so personal to me. Also because it’s one topic out of so many that I’m overly opinionated about. So I’m going to take this with some precaution.
When I was in high school, I was having a discussion with one of my friends about abortion. Why? Honestly I have no idea. Though I do remember her saying that if she were to find out that there was something wrong with her baby, then she’d have an abortion to spare them and her struggles that they don’t have to go through. Already defensive, I asked her if she would abort if she found out her baby would have a cleft lip and palate. She said yes. I was furious.
“What about me?” I asked her. “I have a cleft lip and palate. Would you abort me?”
My friend laughed (nerves? Maybe). “No,” she replied. “I know you.”
I was so baffled by this answer. Part of me thought that she was just saying that because she’d forgotten that I had a cleft or something of that nature. Then the other part of me wondered if this is actually how people think. Multiple of my friends have said that if I was aborted then it would have been terrible. Because they know me. They care about me. But if they were the ones pregnant with a child with a cleft, then they’d probably have an abortion.
They don’t want their baby to go through those struggles.
They don’t want their baby to hate themselves.
They don’t want their baby to have a terrible life.
They don’t want to have to go through the process of fixing it.
One of my friends when I asked them of this topic said that she’d be saving the baby from a lifetime of shame and humiliation. Taking away the opportunity of life from a baby that would have a cleft isn’t saving them from anything. That doesn’t make you a hero.
Now I know that no one is perfect. But it seems to me that some people in society have it in their brains that their babies have to be born “perfect”. No abnormalities, no deformities, no mental issues that can be detected. They have to be pristine. This is the impression I’ve gathered from these conversations I’ve had with people to why they’d abort a baby with a deformity. And to me personally, as someone with a deformity, it’s heartbreaking.
Having a cleft is hard. I’ve admitted that before. It sucks sometimes, I had to go through a lot to fix it, there are times I’m made fun of for it, and I’ve gone through some struggles with my self image because I don’t look exactly the same as everyone else. But that doesn’t mean that I can’t enjoy my life. That doesn’t mean that my entire life is going to stink. That doesn’t mean I don’t want to live. And it doesn’t mean the opportunity to live should be taken away from that baby just because they have a deformity.
Raising a child with a cleft is difficult, as well. It’s also expensive. I understand that. I understand where there would be concerns and doubts about how to handle the situation. But if you can’t afford that responsibility, there are other people out there who can. As cliché as it sounds, that’s what adoption is for.
My mom and I asked one of my doctors one time what the rate is of babies born with clefts. Sadly, he said that the rates go down each year due to abortions.
I just don’t understand it. I don’t understand why you’d want to abort a baby on the grounds of a facial deformity that can be fixed. Why you’d want to abort a baby who can have a good life whether you believe so or not. I get that not everyone can care for kids with clefts. But there are people who can. And coming from someone with a cleft, the life with one is completely livable.
So if you’re considering aborting because you don’t want your baby to have a deformity on their face, just consider this: I’m in college, I have friends, I have a job, I have a good life. Sure it’s difficult sometimes but it’s not worth dying over. It’s not worth aborting over. You’re not saving them. That doesn’t make you a hero. Not at all.
Of course this all comes from a person with a cleft pleading you to reconsider. You can also find the same considerations from the parents’ perspective by reading about Missy and Jase Robertson and their relationship with their daughter, Mia, who also has a cleft. You can read two of their many stories here and here.
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